I just have to get this out of my system
listening to: Junko Iwao - Scarlet
wishes for: my grandma to stop KILLING THE MOUSE
mood:

Know what's strange?

I don't miss them one bit. It's like, okay, so they're there. So?

I should hit myself for that. We've been what, friends for more than five years now. I know I should be missing all of them, but I'm not. Maybe there's something wrong with me.

She told me once, "If you miss me, why don't you call?"

It's because we don't talk like we used to before. We're not as random as we were. We're not as close anymore. Things aren't like how they used to be. Since when? Since Kuya Gino left.

Know what else? Since Kuya Gino left, it's as if we're always stabbing each other in the backs. Since he left, we've drifted so far apart. The phone rang less. The messages came less. Up to the point we all hated each other.

I love hanging out with you guys, I really do. Thing is, the last few times we were together, it seemed so... forced. As if we just had to smile for fuck's sake. I could feel the tension between all of us. And yes, it is indeed a vicious cycle.

Lordy. I know someone who we probably won't hear from a very long time. Reason? Burnout. Yeah, I know. I'm partially to blame. I admit it. We all are. But after thinking about it, you know, I pity him. It's not his fault, really, the way he is. It's understandable. He only wanted to do that because he wanted us to be together again. To do something together again.

Like DesCha.

Like the old times.

But those times will never probably return. They'll be memories, forgotten or treasured.

I don't miss you guys anymore. Maybe it's because we've all changed. Maybe.