Lol
listening to: Hyotei - Koori no Emperor 2
wishes for: monies
mood:

I rarely ever post here, now. I suppose it's because I don't know if anyone reads here at all. No one comments in my posts, no one leaves messages on the flooble, no one bothers... At least over at LJ I know people get to read my stuff.

Maybe I should... I dunno. Close down Bloodriot and permanently move to my LJ. I don't need a blog no one reads.


...Much less something I don't post in.

Hm!
listening to: Aozu - White Line
wishes for: Wednesday, and Sean's "gift"
mood:

At least some people here are having a good day.

Care to tell me how your day went~? :D

Almost 20 years.
listening to: the karaoke thing on TV
wishes for: To get in UST College of Education, damnit
mood:

So. I'm down to my last 27 hours as a teenager. Wow. It's... sort of scary if you think about it.. I'm turning the double decades! I'm getting more responsibilities and I still haven't.. grown out of this childish attitude of mine. I'm still immature, still bratty, still.. someone with a mindset of a 13 year old. I still get teenage angst attacks, I still get emo over things.. I'm still short and my voice is shrill... How can anyone think I'm 20? I mean, everyone I meet say I don't look my age. All of them say that I'm fifteen or something, and can't believe that I'm in college. Well, I don't blame them. Mostly. I suppose, I just look young for my age. But then again, there are people who don't look their age but act theirs. So how come I'm not one of them? Probably because of my upbringing...? I was raised by people who gave me what I wanted when I was a kid. I was raised by people who pampered me, fussing over me, doing things for me. At school, though, I led another life. I was a loner, mostly, especially during elementary. I never had people with me during lunch or recess. It was mostly me, my food and looking out of the window at everyone else. Sure, I sometimes played with the other girls or hung out with them.. But I was mostly alone. And then I was shoved into a world so different from what I was raised in. A rumor spread that some girl crushed on me. I was confused. I didn't really know what it meant, being raised in a conservative family. And then I learned about sex when I wasn't supposed to have learned about it yet. At the time, I was only supposed to know that when your mommy and your daddy love each other, they get a bloody bird to deliver the baby. Whut. SO yeah. My mind got corrupted at an early age. I acted all innocent at home, and not-so innocent outside of it. And then, highschool came. I sort of started to change. I became a little more rebellious, less religious and more... more of who I am now. I suppose.. I got a little worse. But then again, all I ever wanted to do was find myself.. And I feel that the environment here at home doesn't let me do what I need to do to be 'me'. But then again, who really is 'Rika'? Is she just someone trying to escape reality? Or is she someone trying to become someone she can never really become?

I, for one, wouldn't answer that question. Rika is Rika, whatever the explanation is. What makes Rika up is the things around her. Her past, her present, and everything in between and all around. That's what Rika is. Right? The good side, the bad side, the side Rika's never shown anyone else... That's Rika. Sugar and spice, not everything nice, though. Rika wouldn't like it, but that's how Rika is. Rika likes things that catch her eye, that tug at her heart, that speaks for themselves. It's a wide variety of things that make her up, and that's how it should be.

Aah, but then.. am I "Rika"?

^^; Aaaah, mou. I pulled another Shinji~ ^^;

WE CAN NEVER LEARN FROM PAST MISTAKES, CAN WE?

WE CAN NEVER LEARN TO FORGET, CAN WE?

BECAUSE EVERYTHING JUST KEEPS GOING IN CIRCLES AND I'M TIRED OF IT.

I WANT TO HELP, BUT YOU'RE NOT LETTING ME. SO FINE. I'M NOT HELPING. NOT ANYMORE.

I'M SORRY, BUT I TRIED.

Well, whut
listening to: Aya Ueto - Egao no Mama de
wishes for: Iinchou
mood:

Hello, peons. It's been a while. I've been updating my LJ like whoa lately. Whut. It's all the fangirling, I swear. I think I should call the LJ my fangirl blog xD I mean, it's all fangirling and nothing in reality.

So.. This would be my real life blog, ne? Wow.

So, I'm still at Kang's. I should have left for home yesterday, but after work, we got so tired and we slept for most of the day! :O We woke up and it was late and it's dinnertime already.. So I stayed another night. Good thing Francis is here, too. We'll be going home together later. Francis, by the way, was their neighbor when Kang's family still stayed at Makaturing. Since Francis and I would be going the same way, it's convenient for me! It's seven in the evening right now, and I'm worried about how we're getting home. I don't think staying another night here is good. It's like, abusing their generosity. D:

Nya, I was already lucky enough to have stayed two nights here. Making it three seems appealing but is too much.

I had fun, though. Kang and I have done a lot proving that we can read each other's minds and stuff. Also, during my stay here, I realized that my sister really did become Kong's classmate during kindergarten. Wow. I saw the picture. Wow. She still looked like a girly doll then. But now.. xD

Also... I really could never understand why Kang likes wrestling other than the fact that it's sweaty men groping each otherfrom UST. It's just.. EEEW. Big muscly sweaty men who make their manboobs twitch is just fucking GROSS, man. GROSS. EW.


Ah, I wonder if Mama's angry at me..I haven't really called home eversince coming here.. And I havent checked my celphone either. o__o; Ohnoes. xD


Goodluck to me~

ARGHBLE!
listening to: Hiroki Takahashi - Kiku-chan no Soran Bushi
wishes for: Golden Pair!
mood:

I HATE COCKROACHES

----


Kiku-chan no Soran Bushi is JUST SO FORKING ADORABLE. I can listen to it ALL DAY, ALL NIGHT.

KIKUMARU EIJI, MARRY ME ♥

ATTENTION!!!
listening to: KENN with the NaB's - Wake Up Your Heart
wishes for: Um. Cake. And Chocolates.
mood:

THE ONLY MOVIE THEY'RE SHOWING ON THE 18TH IS WATERBOYS. AND THE ONLY TIME THEY'RE SHOWING IT IS 8 IN THE EVENING. I forgot that the 33rd Nihonggo Speech Contest was going to be held on teh 18th as well (It starts at 2pm, Cinema 3, which is where Eiga Sai is held)

I KNOW! I SHOULD HAVE CHECKED THE SCHEDULES FIRST BUT I DIDN'T NOTICE IT UNTIL NOW. I'M SORRY.

This means KARAOKE AT PODIUM. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And then Waterboys in the evening. You guys can play as much DoTA as you want, but we STILL would go on as planned.

And don't forget the cake! I'm treating cake that afternoon! So, while you guys are eating cake, I'd be leeching off the WiFi and watching PaniSuta. Muharhar.



Here's the timetable I made up just now:
1000-1200 - Meet-up. Probably at PowerStation, like we always do.
1200-1300 - Lunch c/o Artoo.
1400-1430 - On our way to Podium
1430-1530 - Karaoke
1530-1600 - Looking for a place with cake. Cheap, too, so I'll have enough to go home.
1600-1700 - PaniSuta. I mean, Cake.
1700-1900 - Whatever.
1900-1945 - Dinner
1945-2000 - On our way back to Shang to watch Waterboys
2000-onwards - Waterboys at Shang

And then we go our merry way.


Unless you want to attend the speech contest? o___0

Go away, emo kid.
listening to: Nagayama Takashi - Haru ni Omoidashi Omou
wishes for: i honestly do not know
mood:

We fought, you ran away. "It's always like this," is what I thought.
All I could do is bid you farewell as you fled, unable to do anything more, I...

We're on a downhill slide; are you crying somewhere now, I wonder? Or are you actually somewhere waiting for me?
It's not like you'd ever take it back, you've made your decision...

Why couldn't I just have been honest with you? I should have gone after you.
But you weren't there, you weren't there down by the river, where the sakura blossoms dance.
Why couldn't I just have been honest with you? Standing there, trying to look cool,
With the spring breeze blowing against me, I'll seek you out.

The sakura blossoms blow around me as I search and search for you, growing tired, but all that's left...
...is your image, back turned to me, still there, in my eyes.

I was wrong, but it's so like me--where are you now, with your back turned to me? I can't find you anywhere.
I just want to see your face once more, your smiling face.

Why couldn't I just have been honest with you? I should have gone after you.
If only it had been enough, but it just wasn't. I want to go back to that time.

Spring is the season when things are supposed to start,
But for me...I can't do anything but remember the past.

Why couldn't I just have been honest with you? I should have gone after you.
I'll be thinking of you in that season when the sakura blossoms dance.

Why couldn't I just have been honest with you? It's so long to wait, and I'm so looking forward to it.
The blossoms are falling, and you're just like the sakura, I'll be thinking of you in the spring.

-translations of Nagayan's song, Haru ni Omoidashi Omou, taken from here, as translated by fencer_x.


So I'm writing because I think that no one's ever going to read this. I'm not doing this to bash anyone, I'm not doing this to get anyone to hate me, or anyone else. I'm doing this because I have to. It's... Catharsis, I suppose.

Because it's hard being a friend for both sides

What was it that someone told me? Neutral Pacifism? Yeah, that one. Someone told me I wa a Neutral Pacifist. Because I don't want either side getting hurt. So in the end, I'm the one taking the pain. Just because I don't want anyone being sad.

I take it. And then smile. Because I don't want to sulk about it.

I KNOW IT'S NOT FAIR

AND I HATE IT BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN'T REALLY DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

I want to say that I don't want anything to do with it, BUT I CAN'T.



FINE. Do what you want, go ahead. I'll take care of the other end, so that nothing will ever have to happen. But what if I can't handle it? Won't I be blamed because I let it happen?


I just.. I don't know.



Maybe you're right and I don't know you after all. I don't even know who I am. I don't know what to do anymore. I really want to say that I don't want a hand in this, but I can't. I'm your FRIEND. I don't want you to feel bad. Any of you.

Heck, I consider you guys more my FAMILY than the people whose blood I share.




I love you guys.. and I don't want us to fall apart because of this. I don't want ANY of you breaking, hurting, and I'd do ANYTHING just so that you WON'T. EVER.






But right now.. I don't think I can do anything anymore. Or at all.




That doesn't mean I'll not try anymore. I'll keep trying.


Even though I know that at one point, all of you would hate me. I still would try and keep us all together. Whatever it takes.

I love you guys. I really do.






I just really don't know what to do right now.

Attendees!
listening to: Nagayama Takashi - Minamiguchi
wishes for: Blossom DVD
mood:

Updated: Feb 12, 2006

EIGA SAI - Feb 18, Shang
- Me
- Creole
- Kang
- Khan
- Artoo
- Sean
- Liu
- Jake

Confirmed with Kang. Benji cannot go.

STC BandFest - Feb 17, STC Covered Court
- Me
- Creole
- Liu
- Sean
Not Sure:
* Khan
* Kang
* Artoo

Nothing yet from Benji, and Jake.

For the Bandfest, I'll be getting the tickets and you can either pay half or full. It's Php50.00 :D

Scratch the bandfest. Creole's not going anymore, and I'm not really a good host left alone. Besides. We're seeing each other the next day, anyways.

We'll be having cake on the 18th, because I'll make sure I'll bring enough money for cake for all of us. Just cake though. Of course, drinks come as well. ^^;


EDIT:

Eiga Sai Movie List
And for those who're too lazy to click the link:
1. Gomen
2. Hatsukoi
3. Waterboys
4. Tsugumi
5. Swimming Upstream
6. Natsu no Page
7. Love Story wo Kimi ni
8. Koisuru Onna-tachi

.....Most of those are Love Stories. Or have Female leads. Is Waterboys a love story? O__o;

New Layout!
listening to: Nagayama Takashi - Okuru Uta
wishes for: CAKE~!
mood:

As a late celebration to BloodRiot's 3rd birthday, I've put up a new layout! It features Nagayama Takashi, posing for the Winter Bleach Musical photoshoot. The words are from his song, Kotoba.

Credits:
brushes: Wonderland
photo: TeniMyu e no Rondo
lyrics: Nagayama Takashi's Kotoba
code/layout: rika shiroi
emotes: Nittle Graspers


So yeah. Happy Belated 3rd Birthday, Bloodriot~ Enjoy the new Layout~

HOLYFORKSBATMAN!!
listening to: *pnish* Vol 6 - Monster Box
wishes for: Panic Cafe
mood:

HOLYFORKSBATMAN! I FORGOT TO GREET BLOODRIOT A HAPPY BLOG BIRTHDAY ON FEBRUARY FOURTH!

BELATED HAPPY THREE YEARS BLOODRIOT!

That one thing that changed my whole world...
listening to: Nagayama Takashi - Kokoro ga... (Toscana Ver)
wishes for: sideFudo+backstage
mood:

I don't think any fandom has gotten me this deep into worshipping it. I don't even think Kamui has made me worship SuzuKen. BL Dramas didn't make me want to stalk JunJun or Sakupyon or Seki Toshihiko and the like. No. This fandom totally BLEW ME OUT OF MY MIND.

See, things lead from one thing to another. At first, I thought I was only getting a new anime fix. And I've always been itching to watch TeniPuri but haven't until recently, when Kang and I watched it at her place. And then came my OTP battle between TezFuji and GoldenPair. Dream Live First decided this for me. Golden Pair wins. And then, Nagayan decided to throw a rock at me be ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE, threw a rock at my fandom boat, and now I've sunk so deep. Tuti decided to hop in the fandom as well since he and Nagayan are SO VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER

I was known to have yaoi as my desktop wallpaper and that my winamp skin matches my WinXP theme (The aesthetic groove one, since it coems with m atching Winamp skins for all four colors), but now...



They rule my world.

I sincerely hope this isn't a phase I'm going through. I want this to last FOREVER. Because I'm getting Blossom in the mail soon >D

Anak ng tokwa, kaya ako nauubusan ng pera eh xD

Maybe, after saving more money, and after buying my doll (which I'm now debating to name after Tuti and Nagayan or after Prynn), I shall buy all the TeniMyus that Nagayan and Tuti were in, plus every other merchandise that would include them.





ps.
thank you, Kang, for introducing me to this fandom. ♥ I just wish I'd have discovered this earlier~ ^o^/

A Challenge!
listening to: Ilaria Graziano - Christmas in the Silent Forest
wishes for: inspiration, aka boku no kannojo, aka liebchen
mood:

Imma do this. :D

Art Challenge: 100 themes

1. Introduction
2. Love
3. Light
4. Dark
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Fortitude
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
99. Solitude
100. Relaxation

i want to see you, but i can't
listening to: Gumi - Catch You Catch Me
wishes for: liebchen
mood:

aitai na aenai na setsunai na kono kimochi
ienai no iitai no
CHANSU nogashite bakari

Exactly how I feel right now. ):

Unfair
listening to: silence
wishes for: her
mood:

sometimes, i do the most stupid things for the most stupid reasons, and i end up regretting them.






where are you when i need you? *tear* i miss you so.