I just have to get this out of my system
listening to: Junko Iwao - Scarlet
wishes for: my grandma to stop KILLING THE MOUSE
mood:
Know what's strange?
I don't miss them one bit. It's like, okay, so they're there. So?
I should hit myself for that. We've been what, friends for more than five years now. I know I should be missing all of them, but I'm not. Maybe there's something wrong with me.
She told me once, "If you miss me, why don't you call?"
It's because we don't talk like we used to before. We're not as random as we were. We're not as close anymore. Things aren't like how they used to be. Since when? Since Kuya Gino left.
Know what else? Since Kuya Gino left, it's as if we're always stabbing each other in the backs. Since he left, we've drifted so far apart. The phone rang less. The messages came less. Up to the point we all hated each other.
I love hanging out with you guys, I really do. Thing is, the last few times we were together, it seemed so... forced. As if we just had to smile for fuck's sake. I could feel the tension between all of us. And yes, it is indeed a vicious cycle.
Lordy. I know someone who we probably won't hear from a very long time. Reason? Burnout. Yeah, I know. I'm partially to blame. I admit it. We all are. But after thinking about it, you know, I pity him. It's not his fault, really, the way he is. It's understandable. He only wanted to do that because he wanted us to be together again. To do something together again.
Like DesCha.
Like the old times.
But those times will never probably return. They'll be memories, forgotten or treasured.
I don't miss you guys anymore. Maybe it's because we've all changed. Maybe.
the rantings of an nineteen year-old fangirl regarding games, anime, love, life, the universe and everything she lays her eyes on... and what she hears, too. may contain profanity. ...you have been warned.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
Welcome to my world
listening to: the delgados - woke from dreaming
wishes for: i wanna go to a place..
mood:
Hello, stranger.
You stumbled upon my rather messy life. The things that which you read here might be for you, might be for someone else, might be painful, might be happy. It might be anything. But keep in mind, dear stranger, that things kept here are to be kept here alone. These are my thoughts. This is my world. I hope you take no offense on what i write, for these are things i cannot ever speak out loud. Well, most of them, at least.
Dear stranger, you are stumbling upon sacred ground for me. Secrets I keep might be found here, dark thoughts lie within. I keep this journal for myself and myself alone. I write for no one. I write for nothing.
I write because I live. I write, for it is proof of my life.
Everything here is a reminder of the past that can never come back. Bits and pieces of memories that struggle to stay alive. Remnants of those that which could never happen once more.
Indeed, life is strange, stranger. You come and go as you please, how you find this place, I shall never know unless you tell me. Your next stop is unknown to me, as well. I do not even know if we'd ever meet again.
So, for now, thank you for coming to this place. If we meet each other soon, I'd like to talk more about what's not here, if that's alright with you.
Fare you well, stranger. May your journey take you someplace satisfying.
listening to: the delgados - woke from dreaming
wishes for: i wanna go to a place..
mood:
Hello, stranger.
You stumbled upon my rather messy life. The things that which you read here might be for you, might be for someone else, might be painful, might be happy. It might be anything. But keep in mind, dear stranger, that things kept here are to be kept here alone. These are my thoughts. This is my world. I hope you take no offense on what i write, for these are things i cannot ever speak out loud. Well, most of them, at least.
Dear stranger, you are stumbling upon sacred ground for me. Secrets I keep might be found here, dark thoughts lie within. I keep this journal for myself and myself alone. I write for no one. I write for nothing.
I write because I live. I write, for it is proof of my life.
Everything here is a reminder of the past that can never come back. Bits and pieces of memories that struggle to stay alive. Remnants of those that which could never happen once more.
Indeed, life is strange, stranger. You come and go as you please, how you find this place, I shall never know unless you tell me. Your next stop is unknown to me, as well. I do not even know if we'd ever meet again.
So, for now, thank you for coming to this place. If we meet each other soon, I'd like to talk more about what's not here, if that's alright with you.
Fare you well, stranger. May your journey take you someplace satisfying.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Raburesu
listening to: Hikita Kaori - Michiyuki
wishes for: Loveless ep11-12
mood:
Yes, new layout. Credits at the bottom. ^^ Pink-ish, yet cuter than the last, easier to access the posts too ^^
Ritsuka-kun is so adorable~~ I wonder how Loveless TV would end. I think it ends this thursday.
Anyway, I hope more people get to comment on my posts and shout in the tagboard. I mean, I get lots of views a day, and yet, no comments :/ That's just sad. :(
listening to: Hikita Kaori - Michiyuki
wishes for: Loveless ep11-12
mood:
Yes, new layout. Credits at the bottom. ^^ Pink-ish, yet cuter than the last, easier to access the posts too ^^
Ritsuka-kun is so adorable~~ I wonder how Loveless TV would end. I think it ends this thursday.
Anyway, I hope more people get to comment on my posts and shout in the tagboard. I mean, I get lots of views a day, and yet, no comments :/ That's just sad. :(
Sunday, June 19, 2005
A Day in the Life of Rika
listening to: Mieno Hitomi - Yukkuri
wishes for: something better
mood:
She wakes up, cold and groggy, only to find out she's kicked the sheets and the comforter off her. The airconditioning unit was set on maximum, the way she likes it. Reminds her of her RPG sweetheart, Suisei. She looks at the clock, it's six in the morning. "Urgh," she says, "Too early." So she pulls up the sheets, the comforter, back over her cold body. She tries to go back to sleep, only, she's disturbed about the bits and pieces she remembers in her dreams.
They were running down a flight of stairs, someone was writing which floor they were already in with chalk on the top step of each flight. There was going to be an explosion. The black cloud is above the abandoned building they were escaping from. There were four of them. They had to escape or else the dark mage will get them. It was dark, so it was okay to leave the building. Finally, they were outside. It was going to rain, they could smell it. "Nail everything on the ground, so the next time it explodes, it won't fall off," said someone. It kept repeating and repeating. The tall chinese boy smiled, they were safe. Now, they had to find a new haven. THeir old one was going to be destroyed. How about underground? SO they went underground. A special elevator took them way below another building; it was posh and smelled of expensive material. Down, down they went. Flashes of black and white appeared in front of their eyes. "Deeper, deeper," said one of them, who it was, they did not know. They finally reached their destination. 60 feet down under the building, 60 feet below basement parking, 60 feet under for a haven. And now, they were ready to sleep for a century, to wake up a hundred years later, refreshed, ready to rule the world. Two males, two females. And then someone was by the elevator, someone else. She stands up, runs up to the person by the elevator and hugs him goodbye. After all, a child should say goodbye to her master. It is only right. He says his goodbyes, wishing them all well, sweet dreams...
She doesn't manage to sleep again, so she picks up her mobile phone, types in a message and sends it to two people. She lies down on her bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering what the dream meant. She recalls a name. Matthias. Why, she does not know. It was an hour later that she stood up, grabbed her towel, went downstairs, to the bath. It was a quick ten-minute bath, and fifteen minutes later, she was dressed. She was going to school, for a meeting with a professor. Halfway to school, she realizes that she hasn't got her ID. "Crap," she mutters under her breath. Wasted money, going back home, she finds her wallet inside her closet, beneath her underwear. Shaking her head, she stuffs her things in a new bag, and runs to the nearest jeepney station. It was very hot, and it was only 9 in the morning. She reaches the train station ten minutes later, reaches school twenty after. It was around nine-thirty, and the meeting with the professor was supposed to be 9. Good thing the professor hasn't reported in by that time. She was safe. Ten in the morning came, the professor still hasn't come in. She sends an sms message to her professor, and he replies that he's just at the Registrar's office and will be back in ten minutes or so. And he did. The meeting went well, she was all smiles. She noted that the professor was cute up close, when you're talking in a small group. Child-like, with glasses, not too tall, not too short. Matches her type of guy. Too bad he was a professor, and she was his student. "I can still hope," she tells herself. After that, it was an idle time. She met up with a few friends later on, had fun with them, ate lunch, and then, it was time to go home. Getting home, she changes, picks up her pillow, embraces and kisses it. Then, she picks up her laptop, embraces it, takes it down to the study and goes online. Her sister comes in, she lets her use it because she wanted to take a nap. Two hours later, her nap is over, she takes over her laptop again, looking for software for her homework, at the same time trying to get the patience to read the specifics of her project. Ah, how she wished she had a mile-wide of patience for that. Unfortunately, CISCO was too technical for her own sake, so she gives up. Maybe later, she says. Dinner comes and goes, her granparents come back from a party. It was eleven in the evening. She's bored, and decides to go to sleep. Before she does, she reads a manual, the one thing she believes is the cause of all her strange dreams. Before she finally surrenders to the Sandman, she wonders what sort of dream will she have tonight...
listening to: Mieno Hitomi - Yukkuri
wishes for: something better
mood:
She wakes up, cold and groggy, only to find out she's kicked the sheets and the comforter off her. The airconditioning unit was set on maximum, the way she likes it. Reminds her of her RPG sweetheart, Suisei. She looks at the clock, it's six in the morning. "Urgh," she says, "Too early." So she pulls up the sheets, the comforter, back over her cold body. She tries to go back to sleep, only, she's disturbed about the bits and pieces she remembers in her dreams.
They were running down a flight of stairs, someone was writing which floor they were already in with chalk on the top step of each flight. There was going to be an explosion. The black cloud is above the abandoned building they were escaping from. There were four of them. They had to escape or else the dark mage will get them. It was dark, so it was okay to leave the building. Finally, they were outside. It was going to rain, they could smell it. "Nail everything on the ground, so the next time it explodes, it won't fall off," said someone. It kept repeating and repeating. The tall chinese boy smiled, they were safe. Now, they had to find a new haven. THeir old one was going to be destroyed. How about underground? SO they went underground. A special elevator took them way below another building; it was posh and smelled of expensive material. Down, down they went. Flashes of black and white appeared in front of their eyes. "Deeper, deeper," said one of them, who it was, they did not know. They finally reached their destination. 60 feet down under the building, 60 feet below basement parking, 60 feet under for a haven. And now, they were ready to sleep for a century, to wake up a hundred years later, refreshed, ready to rule the world. Two males, two females. And then someone was by the elevator, someone else. She stands up, runs up to the person by the elevator and hugs him goodbye. After all, a child should say goodbye to her master. It is only right. He says his goodbyes, wishing them all well, sweet dreams...
She doesn't manage to sleep again, so she picks up her mobile phone, types in a message and sends it to two people. She lies down on her bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering what the dream meant. She recalls a name. Matthias. Why, she does not know. It was an hour later that she stood up, grabbed her towel, went downstairs, to the bath. It was a quick ten-minute bath, and fifteen minutes later, she was dressed. She was going to school, for a meeting with a professor. Halfway to school, she realizes that she hasn't got her ID. "Crap," she mutters under her breath. Wasted money, going back home, she finds her wallet inside her closet, beneath her underwear. Shaking her head, she stuffs her things in a new bag, and runs to the nearest jeepney station. It was very hot, and it was only 9 in the morning. She reaches the train station ten minutes later, reaches school twenty after. It was around nine-thirty, and the meeting with the professor was supposed to be 9. Good thing the professor hasn't reported in by that time. She was safe. Ten in the morning came, the professor still hasn't come in. She sends an sms message to her professor, and he replies that he's just at the Registrar's office and will be back in ten minutes or so. And he did. The meeting went well, she was all smiles. She noted that the professor was cute up close, when you're talking in a small group. Child-like, with glasses, not too tall, not too short. Matches her type of guy. Too bad he was a professor, and she was his student. "I can still hope," she tells herself. After that, it was an idle time. She met up with a few friends later on, had fun with them, ate lunch, and then, it was time to go home. Getting home, she changes, picks up her pillow, embraces and kisses it. Then, she picks up her laptop, embraces it, takes it down to the study and goes online. Her sister comes in, she lets her use it because she wanted to take a nap. Two hours later, her nap is over, she takes over her laptop again, looking for software for her homework, at the same time trying to get the patience to read the specifics of her project. Ah, how she wished she had a mile-wide of patience for that. Unfortunately, CISCO was too technical for her own sake, so she gives up. Maybe later, she says. Dinner comes and goes, her granparents come back from a party. It was eleven in the evening. She's bored, and decides to go to sleep. Before she does, she reads a manual, the one thing she believes is the cause of all her strange dreams. Before she finally surrenders to the Sandman, she wonders what sort of dream will she have tonight...
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
From Kuya Jay
listening to: Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
wishes for: him. me. bondage room. <3
mood:
Rules
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each persons will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
1) If you were going to play a Vampire in a World of Darkness game, which Clan would you choose and why?
>I'd play a Malkavian any day. Why? Well, for one thing, it's closest to my personality. I think that's rather explanatory, once you've leafed through my archives o_O;
2) Japanese or Filipino Cuisine?>
>A bit of both. See, I've no particular taste in food. As long as it's edible, and it looks edible, I'd eat it ^^;
3) What kitchen implement or appliance would best describe your school study habits?
>Ooooh, interesting. It'd probably be a stove. Hot when you turn it on, but useless when it's not needed. *crammercrammer*
4) If you were God, which commandment would you change, and what would you change it into?
>Haha. Yeah. Um, the first one. I believe it goes, "I am the Lord your God. Thou shall have no God other than I." I'd change it to, "I created you with conscience, I created you with a mind, so use it. And you don't necessarily have to worship me to thank me for it." Rather self-explanatory, but I'll expound on that if you want me to ^^
5) You have a choice to change one facet of your physical body. What would it be, and what would you change it into? :p
>My abs, because they make me look a month pregnant o_O My height. I want to be taller >:0 Being 5"2' at 19 sucks!!! *sobs*
-- I played this game before, only it was on RedMoonMurder, and it was six questions ^^ So~ Who's up for the challenge? *prods Artoo, Khan, Benji, Sean and Andrew* >:3
listening to: Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
wishes for: him. me. bondage room. <3
mood:
Rules
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each persons will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
1) If you were going to play a Vampire in a World of Darkness game, which Clan would you choose and why?
>I'd play a Malkavian any day. Why? Well, for one thing, it's closest to my personality. I think that's rather explanatory, once you've leafed through my archives o_O;
2) Japanese or Filipino Cuisine?>
>A bit of both. See, I've no particular taste in food. As long as it's edible, and it looks edible, I'd eat it ^^;
3) What kitchen implement or appliance would best describe your school study habits?
>Ooooh, interesting. It'd probably be a stove. Hot when you turn it on, but useless when it's not needed. *crammercrammer*
4) If you were God, which commandment would you change, and what would you change it into?
>Haha. Yeah. Um, the first one. I believe it goes, "I am the Lord your God. Thou shall have no God other than I." I'd change it to, "I created you with conscience, I created you with a mind, so use it. And you don't necessarily have to worship me to thank me for it." Rather self-explanatory, but I'll expound on that if you want me to ^^
5) You have a choice to change one facet of your physical body. What would it be, and what would you change it into? :p
>
-- I played this game before, only it was on RedMoonMurder, and it was six questions ^^ So~ Who's up for the challenge? *prods Artoo, Khan, Benji, Sean and Andrew* >:3
Monday, June 13, 2005
You know you're obsessed with RPGs when...
listening to: still the Phantom of the Opera OST ^^;
wishes for: Black Mage!
mood:
rika: DIE! *swishes stabbing knife*
artoo: MISS!
artoo: its a stabbing knife, not a slashing knife
rika: ...good point.
artoo: *takes out +8 Double Matyr Stilleto* THIS is a slashing knife
rika: DIE! *stabs with a stbbing knife*
artoo: *miss* I'm wearing veeeeeeeeeeery thick armor
rika: screw you! *goes over to talk to RM to adjust skill levels* Can I get Celerity level 5 too? and Obfuscate level 2. That skill rocks.
artoo: oh yeah? all your skills can't beat my best skill!
artoo: Running Away While Screaming Like A Scared Little Schoolgirl Level 10!
rika: *gasp* i can't beat that alright o_O;
artoo: i even have a counter to your yaoi torture skill
artoo: my "Gouge Eyes Out While Screaming Like A Bitch Level 10" skill
rika: ...Hah! I have Yaoi Torture Skill Level 10, which lets me play AUDIO FILES!!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!
artoo: well, then there's my +8 Mking Me Really Deaf MP3 player
rika: ...Darn you, technology! Darn you!
Meanwhile, check this out: http://newgrounds.com/portal/view/243164
listening to: still the Phantom of the Opera OST ^^;
wishes for: Black Mage!
mood:
rika: DIE! *swishes stabbing knife*
artoo: MISS!
artoo: its a stabbing knife, not a slashing knife
rika: ...good point.
artoo: *takes out +8 Double Matyr Stilleto* THIS is a slashing knife
rika: DIE! *stabs with a stbbing knife*
artoo: *miss* I'm wearing veeeeeeeeeeery thick armor
rika: screw you! *goes over to talk to RM to adjust skill levels* Can I get Celerity level 5 too? and Obfuscate level 2. That skill rocks.
artoo: oh yeah? all your skills can't beat my best skill!
artoo: Running Away While Screaming Like A Scared Little Schoolgirl Level 10!
rika: *gasp* i can't beat that alright o_O;
artoo: i even have a counter to your yaoi torture skill
artoo: my "Gouge Eyes Out While Screaming Like A Bitch Level 10" skill
rika: ...Hah! I have Yaoi Torture Skill Level 10, which lets me play AUDIO FILES!!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!
artoo: well, then there's my +8 Mking Me Really Deaf MP3 player
rika: ...Darn you, technology! Darn you!
Meanwhile, check this out: http://newgrounds.com/portal/view/243164
The BitTorrent Queen does it again
listening to: Phantom of the Opera 2004 OST on Loop
wishes for: more HD space for all those Vampire material! (almost a hundred books!!)
mood:
Okay, so I've done it again. This time, I've filled up Iinchou's HD. o__O; And what, in a matter of two months of being with me. Yikes o_O; (Two months and two days, to be exact) But, I've cleared up some space now, thanks to the 50 cd-rs I got last month. So I have 4gigs free again, but currently, i have a 2.5gig download (Mage material, for Erik), a 1.something gig left of the Vampire material i downloaded before.. I think that one contains the rest of the clanbooks and some campaign material...
Oniichan will be proud of me. Um, not regarding my HD space going poof, though. Ahahahaha~ x3 Thank you, oniichan, for introducing me to the world of RPGs. My world has never been the same. <3 Oh, and I need to talk to you about something. And I think you know what that is already.
Hum hum. Today's a holiday. Hooray! Not that it matters, but at least I don't get to see that annoying Dist-Ed professor of mine. Yeeesh. I sit at the front-center of the lab we're in, and she's almost always standing right there in front of me... and it RAINS! everytime she speaks it RAINS!! the horror.. and her GRAMMAR!! oh lordy, her grammar is awful! It pains my ears to hear her grammar! Her diction is twice as horrible! How the frickin' hell she became a COLLEGE PROFESSOR eludes me. Is that how desperate Philippine Education has become?! Oh noes! My children! I fear my childer will never know the true meaning of knowledge ;3;
I kicked the sheets off again last night. Meant I dreamt something horrible, though I can't remember what. Creole says that if you don't remember your dreams, it'll happen. and if you remember them, it won't. :/ Somehow, i think that dream of mine had something to do with Vampires again. I really should stop reading V:tR and V:tM before I go to bed. I fear for my future..
Then again, maybe not... >:3
listening to: Phantom of the Opera 2004 OST on Loop
wishes for: more HD space for all those Vampire material! (almost a hundred books!!)
mood:
Okay, so I've done it again. This time, I've filled up Iinchou's HD. o__O; And what, in a matter of two months of being with me. Yikes o_O; (Two months and two days, to be exact) But, I've cleared up some space now, thanks to the 50 cd-rs I got last month. So I have 4gigs free again, but currently, i have a 2.5gig download (Mage material, for Erik), a 1.something gig left of the Vampire material i downloaded before.. I think that one contains the rest of the clanbooks and some campaign material...
Oniichan will be proud of me. Um, not regarding my HD space going poof, though. Ahahahaha~ x3 Thank you, oniichan, for introducing me to the world of RPGs. My world has never been the same. <3 Oh, and I need to talk to you about something. And I think you know what that is already.
Hum hum. Today's a holiday. Hooray! Not that it matters, but at least I don't get to see that annoying Dist-Ed professor of mine. Yeeesh. I sit at the front-center of the lab we're in, and she's almost always standing right there in front of me... and it RAINS! everytime she speaks it RAINS!! the horror.. and her GRAMMAR!! oh lordy, her grammar is awful! It pains my ears to hear her grammar! Her diction is twice as horrible! How the frickin' hell she became a COLLEGE PROFESSOR eludes me. Is that how desperate Philippine Education has become?! Oh noes! My children! I fear my childer will never know the true meaning of knowledge ;3;
I kicked the sheets off again last night. Meant I dreamt something horrible, though I can't remember what. Creole says that if you don't remember your dreams, it'll happen. and if you remember them, it won't. :/ Somehow, i think that dream of mine had something to do with Vampires again. I really should stop reading V:tR and V:tM before I go to bed. I fear for my future..
Then again, maybe not... >:3
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